Reprise
by dreamsteampunk
Summary: In one life, Alexander Hamilton was a politician, a lawyer, and a father. He helped create a country, and died for his beliefs. In this one, he's one of five medical examiners for the NYPD, and has been receiving bodies that look an awful lot like people he used to know.
1. five coroners walk into a bar

"Alright, something needs to get fucked up, where the fuck is it."

Burr cursed and glared at Mulligan, who made a shrugging, helpless gesture. Laurens stood guiltily to the side, phone in hand.

"I told you not to call him," Burr hissed discreetly out of the side of his mouth. Alexander noticed anyways.

"You make bad decisions anyways, Burr. Now, where's my fucking body!" Alex shot off, whirling around the room in the singularly unique manner that Aaron had only ever seen on the short man. His lab coat whooshed out behind him in a way so dramatic, Burr was certain Hamilton had it down to a science.

Lafayette pointed to the table- _in the center of the room, really alex_ \- and the coroner immediately made a beeline to it.

He listed off notes faster than Laurens could have taken them, which was helpful, since John really wasn't taking any anyways. All Burr had grasped from the verbal avalanche was "Time of death, 8:00, AM not PM, _jesus_ , that's too early for murder," and something about gunshot.

Then, Alexander finally took in the body. Really took in, not focusing on the bits and pieces instead of the full picture.

"Oh god. He could have been my son."

* * *

Being a coroner has never been the most cheerful of jobs. Few decide to spend their lives in a basement, surrounded by the stench of cadavers.

Then there are those who are simply attracted to death.

* * *

Hamilton had been right. The young boy, nineteen or so, looked like Alex aged back ten years. His eyes, on the other hand, a bright green so unlike the Puerto Rican man next to him.

"What's his name?" Alex asked shakily, quietly. In all the years they'd known each other, Hamilton had never been quiet. His eyes were transfixed on the cadaver's.

"Philip Rensselaer." Laurens responded, phone forgotten. This had been what they were afraid of.

The awkward silence lasted for about two minutes- then Mulligan broke it with a whistle.

"That's what, the fifth one this week?" He asks, a titch too loud, a bit too obviously covering for something. "And it's only Thursday!"

"Yeah." Laurens whispers, still a little unbalanced. Burr could sympathise. Of the five coroners, they were the only ones to have not found a corpse resembling themselves yet.

"Philip, right?" Hamilton asked, staring Laurens in the eye. John gestured at the tag on the young man's foot.

"That's Eliza's father's name. She was telling me that if we ever had a child, we'd name him that."

"Oh." Lafayette breathes, shifting from foot to foot, uncertain. Burr remembered his, the five year old with Lafayette's mouth and nose and chin, named George Washington Motier. Lieutenant Washington was more than a little freaked out as well.

"He has Eliza's eyes, doesn't he." Alex stated flatly. Burr took one look at his destroyed face, then shooed him out.

"You take the day off. There is absolutely no need for there to be five coroners working in here."

It's a miracle (and a testament) that he doesn't even argue.


	2. in which laurens educated everyone

**CORPSE CREW**

 **John Laurens:** Hey

how much do you remember about us history

 **Aaron Burr (You):** it's 2 am

goto sleep

 **John Laurens:** it's important

 **Aaron Burr (You):** it really isnt

* * *

When he got to work, there was a radio turned on to the news. It was early enough that only Laurens had arrived yet, and strangely enough, the radio hadn't been blaring music.

Stranger still, John had been listening intently to the news before Burr had walked in.

"Elections aren't for another few months, John," Burr called out, pulling a white coat on. John hummed in response, then motioned for a bone saw.

"Am I really the only one who wants to figure this out?" He called out over the whir of machinery. Burr panicked for a brief second, then pulled the oldest trick in the book.

"Figure what out?" He asked, expertly feigning 'polite interest' and semi boredom.

"You planning on winning an Oscar with that act, Burr? I want to figure out what the hell is up with the corpses."

"We work in a morgue, Laurens. You'll need to be more specific about those corpses."

"The ones that have you terrified of opening the next body bag, cause you think your face'll be staring back up at you."

"Fine," he dropped his fake ignorance. "And the Ohio caucus results are going to help solve that."

He regretted his comment immediately when John's eyes brightened at his words. "No," he started off, already ready to go into a Hamilton-worthy speech, "but don't you think it's really strange that there isn't any public knowledge on the founding of America? I spent years learning about Europe, there are courses about each country individually, but what do we know about the founding of America? Shit-all. I don't even know when it happened!"

"July 4, 1776," Burr answered promptly. John steamrolled over him.

"And then, a few days ago, I heard about this guy. Real loud fellow, helped America declare it's freedom from England. Wanna know his name?"

John paused, and it took long enough that Burr thought he had to answer. "I'm not humo-"

"Alexander Hamilton. His name is Alexander Hamilton."

* * *

Everyone knows the story of Alex and Eliza. How the scrappy, broke Creole bastard managed to romance the darling of New York society, Elizabeth Schuyler. Their close friends still joke about the day they met- Angelica dragging the poor bedraggled med student to see her sister at a loud, obnoxious party.

Not many people know what happened afterwards.

* * *

 **Best of Wives and Best of Women:** my sister would like to inform you

get your ass down to our house

or they're kicking you out of the family

 **Alexander Hamilton (You):** would this be smol sister or tol sister

 **Best of Wives and Best of Women:** tol

 **Alexander Hamilton (You):** thought so

* * *

 **CORPSE CREW**

 **Turtleman:** hey has anyone ever heard of a guy called John Adams

 **Hunkulese:** who the fuck is that

it's way to early for this

why do you do these things

 **Lafayette (You):** who is john adams

 **Turtleman:** hes the second president of the us

 **Hamilson:** no hes the barista at the starbucks on first and main

 **Hunkulese:** why do you know this

 **Hamilson:** tjeffs waxes poetic about him every monday

i go out of my way not to go to that tsarbucks

 **Turtleman:** tsarbucks

 **Lafayette (You):** tsarbucks

 **Hunkulese:** tsarbucks

 **Buttmunch:** it's five in the morning go back to sleep

 **Lafayette (You):** killjoy

Hunkulese has removed Buttmunch from CORPSE CREW

 **Hamilson:** thank you

 **Turtleman:** the evil is vanquished

 **Hunkulese:** [Attatchment: 1]

 **Turtleman:** what the ACTUAL FUCK is that

 **Lafayette (You):** that's disgusting that's what it is

You have removed Hunkulese from CORPSE CREW

 **Turtleman:** and then there were three.

* * *

Elections are in a few months. John isn't prone to exaggeration, but he'd honestly rather fling himself into the fucking sun than listen to Alex talk (read: rant) about the candidates. It's like an avalanche. Once it gets started, it's not going to stop.

* * *

 **CORPSE CREW**

Turtleman has added Hunkulese and Buttmunch to CORPSE CREW

 **Hamilson:** nooooooo

 **Lafayette (You):** nooooo

 **Turtleman:** shut up i'm theorising

and burr can't tell me to do it later

cause if you're not up by now u should be

 **Buttmunch:** you know what

fair enough

 **Turtleman:** OKAY so basically i found a guy who apparently founded America and he also fought a ton of people and was a little problematic shit and guess what his name was fucking ALEXANDER HAMILTON

 **Hamilson:** should i be offended

i feel like i should get ready to be offended

 **Hunkulese:** NOOO my company charges per texts over the character limit

i don't need u running up my bill with your fucking essays

DONT YOUR THUMBS GET TIRED

 **Turtleman:** ANYWAYS the guy was big on fighting and if this seems super on the nose, THATS BECAUSE IT IS anyways where was i

 **Lafayette (You):** alex was helping found America

 **Turtleman:** OH YEAH

basically the guy was the right hand of the president during the war

guess who the first president of the us was

 **Buttmunch:** Washington, right?

 **Turtleman:** EXACTLY

and DONT WE KNOW A WASHINGTON

HUH

HUH?

 **Buttmunch:** It's a common last name

 **Turtleman:** THE FIRST PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

GEORGE WASHINGTON

AND HIS RIGHT HAND

ALEXANDER HAMILTON

this is not a fucking coincidence guys

 **Hamilson:** are you implying that the lieutenant and I are hundreds of years old because

you are wrong

also neither of us were white

i know i majored in the sciences

but im p sure america was founded by white people

what with the slavery thing and all

 **Hunkulese:** ALEX

PHONE PLAN REMEMBER

NO SPEECHES

 **Turtleman:** anyways NO i'm not implying that alex is three hundred years old

 **Hamilson:** i look good for three hundred

 **Turtleman:** what i'm trying to say is

these are really huge coincidences

 **Lafayette (You):** two people share names with historical figures.

 **Turtleman:** historical figures who founded the country we live in

which should have taken up at least a year of middle school social studies

but i had to find this out through the TWO links wikipedia gave me

what the fuck is the occidental college

 **Buttmunch:** you are very dedicated to this conspiracy theory

 **Turtleman:** I FORGOT THE BEST PART

you know how white hamilton died?

he dueled a man named AARON BURR!

 **Hamilson:** okay yes that sounds like me

why did white burr agree

 **Buttmunch:** leave me out of this

 **Turtleman:** the source was unclear as shit but i think u backed jefferson instead of him?

 **Hamilson:** that sounds less like me

 **Hunkulese:** why tf is tjeffs in this

 **Turtleman:** hes the third POTUS

 **Hamilson:** ok that's it

i'm looking up all of the presidents

if herc is the fourth im out

hey was i a president

well

 **Turtleman:** no

 **Hamilson:** was white me a president

oh

that sucks for white me

or herc

who were you addressing

 **Turtleman:** both of you

also why the fuck don't we know the first presidents that seems kind of IMPORTANT

 **Lafayette (You):** yeah u kinda mentioned

five times

 **Hunkulese:** four

 **Lafayette (You):** w/e

 **Turtleman:** NO ITS A SERIOUS THING

dont u french ppl know ur history

 **Lafayette (You):** idk i never payed attention in class

 **Hunkulese:** you rebel

 **Lafayette (You):** all i know is that we went around cutting people's heads off for a while and now there's a famous musical about it

 **Turtleman:** That seems like something embarrassing that a government might want to cover up

maybe thats what america did

thats why we dont know our history

they covered it up

 **Hamilson:** they better have if white me backed /jefferson/

 **Buttmunch:** why are we conspiracy theorising about american history

we should be working

 **Turtleman:** IT HAS TO DO WITH WORK

 **Hunkulese:** how the FUCK does this have to do with work

 **Lafayette (You):** dead things?

 **Turtleman:** you know phillip rensselaer

well white hamilton had a son named phillip

and u remember george motier

white lafayette named his son george washington after the POTUS guy

and basically i went through all this

u should be super thankful to me this shit is OBSCURE

anyways everbody that looked like a relative shared names with people related to our white people counterparts

guys?

guys nobody interrupted me through nine texts in a row that's a new record

i dropped a motherfucking bomb here what the fuck guys


	3. the dangers of doubletexting

_There's something about power, about being so high up that everyone else looks like ants. Soon, you don't see them as humans anymore. They're smaller than you, less than you._

* * *

 **John Laurens (You):** yo

yo

i need a favor

alex

alexaaaaander

alleeeeeeeeexxxxxx

alex

alex

alex

 **hambone:** not now

 **John Laurens (You):** dude

that is the shortest thing you've probably ever said

one text

two words

i'm screenshotting

 **hambone:** i'm at the schuylers

i can't do this now

 **John Laurens (You):** daaaaaammmnnn

how are the in-laws

say hi to peggy for me

also this won't take long

 **hambone:** shut up i'm arguing with angelica over wealth versus income tax

i can't afford distractions

* * *

 **CORPSE CREW**

 _You have renamed this chat "what time is it",_

 _baguette has renamed this chat "SHOWTIME"_

 **John Laurens (You):** [Attachment: 3 images]

fuck you guys

i have proof

 **baguette:** you have search results from the second page of google

 **herc:** i think that's the third

 **John Laurens (You):** DOES IT MATTER

 **assflab:** google isn't a source on it's own, laurens

 **John Laurens (You):** fuck off i'm not academically sourcing this shit

 **herc:** i'm on john's side now

cause burr's against it

 **baguette:** same

 **hambone:** same

 **assflab:** how do i remove myself from this group chat

 **baguette:** youc ant

one of us needs to do it

 **herc:** ONE OF US

ONE OF US

 **baguette:** ONE OF US

 **assflab:** i need a drink.

* * *

 **hambone:** eliza wants me to go upstate with her for the summer

stay at her dad's place

how do i break it to her

 **baguette:** break what to her?

 **assflab:** please leave.

 **hambone:** fuck u burr

i can't leave my job

i'm on probation as it is

 **assflab:** you threw a liver at det. jefferson

 **hambone:** HE DESERVED IT

 **assflab:** the liver belonged to a recently eviscerated drunk

nobody deserves that

 **hambone:** you're right

that poor man

good thing he wasn't using it anymore.

 **assflab:** i cant tell if you're being deliberately obtuse or if you genuinely believe that the feelings of a dead man come before the living

 **herc:** anybody comes before tjeffs

 **baguette:** break what to her?

i'm so confused

 **herc:** alex can't leave his job or he'll get fired

eliza doesn't know he's on probation

probably because it's such a dumb and immature reason

 **hambone:** no she knows

she started laughing when she found out

but she thinks i shouldn't be a coroner anyways?

 **assflab:** well, you are a born politician

 **hambone:** of all the things you've ever said to me

that is the most insulting

anyways i don't have any qualifications and i REALLY can't go back to school so idk what she expects me to do?

 **assflab:** well, ben carson was a neurosurgeon and now he runs for president

 **hambone:** i take it back

THAT was the most insulting

 **herc:** can you imagine alex as our president

 **baguette:** i scared a stray cat laughing so hard at that

 **hambone:** i'd be a fine president

 **assflab:** you'd cause a national incident

 **John Laurens (You):** i can just imagine it

"President Hamilton writes open letter to leaders of Europe: 'Suck my Dick'"

 **herc:** ey welcome back laurens

 **John Laurens (You):** unlike you lazy asses i'm actually working

HERC I SEE YOU TEXTING ME

WE ARE TWO FEET AWAY

PICK UP THE DAMN SCALPEL AND HELP ME

 **baguette:** isn't there a rule about texting and autopsying and the same time

 **herc:** why the fuck would there be a rule about that

 **assflab:** why isn't there a rule about that

 **hambone:** he's got a point

it was probably invented for us

 **John Laurens (You):** i can't stand this betrayal

i thought you were my friend alex

but now

 **herc:** i swear to god if you pull a star wars quote on me

 **John Laurens (You):** YOU WERE MY BROTHER ANAKIN

 **hambone:** i'm disowning you

friend-disowning you

wait gtg

 **baguette:** angelica?

 **hambone:** that woman is terrifying to the core

* * *

 **THE SISTERS SCHUYLER**

 **Tequila:** eliza your husband is yelling

 **ANGELica:** that's not new

 **Tequila:** in spanish

 **Eliza Schuyler (You):** that is new

 **Tequila:** i don't think he knows i know spanish

this is actually really funny

 **ANGELica:** he's ruining your innocence isn't he

 **Tequila:** i don't know who he's yelling at

what does he have against their mother's grave

or horses

 **Eliza Schuyler (You):** i'll get him


	4. things of questionable legality

**Laurenciaga:** okay

first order of business

i ditched work

im at the library of congress

 **Hercules Mulligan (You):** laurens

what the hell

why must you keep doing this to us

why are u even THERE

 **Laurenciaga:** i'm in the thomas jefferson building

it makes my skin CRAWL

okay so this is REALLY weird

basically all information about american history is completely open to the public

i had to do almost nothing to get names and shit it was just a few clicks on the next page of google

 **Hercules Mulligan (You):** you sinner

 **Laurenciaga:** yes anyways it's not openly discouraged to pursue american history? but instead it's just… apathy? it's apathy. nobody CAREs aout american history so it's not a thing?

also dude. the names thing.

 **Hercules Mulligan (You):** if the government wants to hide our founding fathers from us would they REALLY? name buildings n shit after them?

 **Laurenciaga:** be honest.

when was the last time you actually payed attention to who a building is dedicated to

 **Hercules Mulligan (You):** point taken.

 **Laurenciaga:** anyways there's also Madison and Adams building.

the adams building is closed to anyone who doesn't have an ID

for what i have no idea

i just snuck in the back

 **Hercules Mulligan (You):** YOU WHAT NOW

 **Laurenciaga:** i need answers

gtg my phone is off now

You have changed Laurenciaga's name to Nick Cage

 **Hercules Mulligan (You):** WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

john?

john!

please be okay

you fucking idiot

* * *

 **SHOWTIME**

 **fourletteredword:** hey where tf is laurens

burr had to go home

and we need a third person or else washington yells at us

 **Hercules Mulligan (You):** why'd he go home?

 **eiffeltower:** you mean washington will yell at everyone but you

 **fourletteredword:**?

 **Hercules Mulligan (You):** ur his favourite, bro.

and laurens also had to leave

i can come to work tho

whyd he leave?

 **fourletteredword:** girl named Theodosia Alston

she drowned

suspected murder

looks exactly like burr

especially the eyes

 **Hercules Mulligan (You):** damn

that's terrible

and also kind of why laurens isn't here

he's investigating

 **Burr-sir:** before he get's his?

 **fourletteredword:** that's dark.

and rude.

also how?

 **Hercules Mulligan (You):** he may have broken into a secret wing of the Library of Congress

it's called the Adams building?

i can't find it on the official website!?

[Attachments: 2]

SEE?

 **fourletteredword:** why do thomas and james get buildings but not me?

 **Burr-sir:** now who's being rude?

 **eiffeltower:** how did he break in? That's illegal?

IS HE OKAY

?

 **Hercules Mulligan (You):** i guess they don't care so much?

idk he said he jumped a window and then he turned his phone off?

I AM SO WORRIED

[Attachment: 1]

"I need answers" fuck outta here with that vagueass bullshit he better be okay

 **eiffeltower:** later

rn we need someone to cover for burr

guess ur up herc

 **Burr-sir:** i can come back in

 **fourletterword:** you threw up

if u try to come back to work

i will physically fight you

 **Burr-sir:** oh no

you're like five feet tall

i'm so scared

 **fourletterword:** THEMS FIGHTING WORDS

also the idea that height has ANYHTING to do with aNYHTIg is ridiculous

 **Hercules Mulligan (You):** here we go

 **fourletterword:** and PROBABLY based in patriarchal expectations of height establishing dominance

 **Burr-sir:** no it's not

that's ridiculous

 **fourletterword:** oh FINALLY he has an opinion on something

and how is it ridiculous?

the idea that height is sought after is based on archaic 'protector' archetypes

because those perceived to be bigger could protect their women

but in today's day and age

women hardly need protection

and it's misogynistic to believe that

 **Burr-sir:** first of all i'mma stop you right there

those are a lot of flimsy chain links u got there

it's not misogynistic to make fun of your height

you just want to be able to slap a buzzword on me to discredit me

 **fourletterword:** i dont need to 'slap a buzzword on you' to discredit you

you do it your own damn self

 **Hercules Mulligan (You):** OOOOOOOOOOH

GET REKT

 **Burr-sir:** who's side are you on?!

 **fourletterword:** and i'm not saying youre misogynistic

 **Hercules Mulligan (You):** i'm on nobody's side i just want this to be over

 **fourletterword:** im saying that the insult you are attempting to use on me

is rooted in patriarchy and misogyny

 **eiffeltower:** is nobody else worried for john

 **fourletteredword:** he'll be fine

it's not the MOSt illegal thing he's ever done

that happened in college

 **eiffeltower:** do i want to know

 **Hercules Mulligan (You):** no

 **fourletterword:** probably not

 **Burr-sir:** no.

 **eiffeltower:** wait, Burr went to college with you guys too?

i feel so left out, man

 **Hercules Mulligan (You):** thats what u get for being french

 **eiffeltower:** BURR, though

really guys

really?

 **Burr-sir:** should i be offended

 **Hercules Mulligan (You):** no

that's Alex's job

 **fourletterword:** HEY

 **Hercules Mulligan (You):** see

alex's job

 **fourletterword:** FIGHT ME

 **Hercules Mulligan:** we've been over this

 **fourletterword:** not you too

 **Burr-sir:** see

mulligan's on my side

 **fourletterword:** okay

really

mulligan?

youd abandon me in my time of need

 **Hercules Mulligan (You):** do not guilt me

not over this shit

not today

 **fourletterword:** YOUD BACK BURR

OVER ME

i am so guilting you over this

it's gonna be your turn to get starbucks

and you're gonna protest

and i'm gonna bring this up like

you don't get to talk

you backed up burr

over me

your buddy

 **Hercules Mulligan (You):** CHILL

 **fourletterword:** your pal

 **eiffeltower:** alex doesn't know what chill is

 **fourletterword:** YOU TOO GILBERT?

i am being betrayed at all angles

i'm like julius ceaser

e tu laf?

 **Burr-sir:** stick to macbeth

 **fourletterword:** oh i'll tell you where to stick macbeth

wait

that came out a little wrong

 **eiffeltower:** its okay

i think aaron's fine with that

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **fourletterword:** laf no

 **Burr-sir:** he's not my type

 **fourletterword:** WHAT THE FUCJ

BURR

HOW AM I NOT YOUR TYPE

I'M EVERYONES TYPE

 **Burr-sir:** you are really not

 **Hercules Mulligan (You):** DAMMMMNNNN

REKT

 **fourletterword:** oh i will fucking fight you

i'll prove it to you

i am totally your type

 **eiffeltower:** are we in bad fanfiction

this sounds like bad fanfiction

 **Hercules Mulligan (You):** shhh

you're hurting the author's feelings

and i wanna see how this ends up

 **fourletterword:** you're gonna get fucking hamilwrecked

wait

shit

that also came out wrong

 **Burr-sir:** did u just say hamilwrecked

i am leaving this non-existent relationship

 **eiffeltower:** okay

but seriously

i cannot be the only one worried for john

 **fourletterword:** gilbert

my guy

let me tell u how these things usually play out

there are two things that end up happening

one

the cops get called

 **Hercules Mulligan (You):** always fun

 **fourletterword:** and we gotta bail him out

herc don't interrupt

anyways

two

 **Hercules Mulligan (You):** fuck u i do what i want

 **fourletterword:** he shows up

and we get a story

and life goes on

 **Burr-sir:** deep

 **fourletterword:** fuck yes i am

 **Burr-sir:** that was sarcasm

 **fourletterword:** and that was denial

 **eiffeltower:** you realize how alarming this is

why am i never invited to these illegal hangouts

 **Nick Cage:** HOLY SHIT GUYS

182 MESSAGES

RELAX

CHILL

I WAS GONE FOR AN HOUR

 **Hercules Mulligan (You):** damn son

you got hamilwrecked

 **eiffeltower:** JOHN

YOU SCARED ALL OF US

 **Hercules Mulligan (You):** just laf

 **eiffeltower:** YOU DIDN'T CALL

DIDN'T WRITE

 **Nick Cage:** chill

i had fun

it was enlightening

i almost got caught twice

i'll tell u all about it


	5. not an inch more room to self-destruct

_a/n: update on my life/ list of excuses on why i haven't updated_

 _\- accidentally, in the space of one weekend, joined the history club, became it's publicist, participated in the regional history bowl, and am now in line for presidency._

 _\- failed my math midterm, aced my science_

 _\- gave advice to my debate partner on what to do about her drug-dealer crush_

 _\- wrote this chapter in the space of one hour_

* * *

 **ANGELica:** ok

Run it by me one more time

Why exactly are you not coming with us?

 **Alexander Hamilton (You):** i need to help with this case

 **ANGELica:** alex

there are FOUR OTHER CORONERS AT THAT STATON

*station

You can take a break for ONCE in your LIFE

Alex

alex i see u typing

this will be fun

 **Alexander Hamilton (You):** okay first of all i have taken breaks before and working a lot is a sign that they can trust me and therefore i have good JOB SECURITY and can provide for Eliza AND i do not put my job over her and i can provide perfectly well for her besides i need to keep in good standing with my job because Eliza might need to go on maternity leave really soon so really i'm just thinking ahead SO HAH

 **ANGELica:** there is no way u typed that in a minute

do you have that copy and pasted somewhere

I bet you do and you trot it out eerytime someone questions you

*everytime

WAIT

WHY WOULD ELIZA NEED TO GO ON MATERNITY LEAVE?

 **Alexander Hamilton (You):** shit.

* * *

 **Alexander Hamilton (You):** okay i love your sister

you know that right?

 **Best of Wives and Best of Women:** oh no

where is this going

It's not going anywhere good is it

 **Alexander Hamilton (You):** i may or may not have told her you were pregnant

 **Best of Wives and Best of Women:** oh thank god

I told her before you anyways

 **Alexander Hamilton (You):** wait what

She acted so surprised

Wtf

 **Best of Wives and Best of Women:** you should know her by now

she lives for messing with people

 **Alexander Hamilton (You):** i've decided i like peggy better

* * *

 **Sir-Burr:** so, about the ongoing investigation

that wouldn't happen to be /you/ who broke into thomas jefferson's files?

 **Alexander Hamilton (You):** shit

yes

how the hell did he find out?

 **Sir-Burr:** you realize how anal he is about his notes right

also you are admitting to semi-illegal things disturbingly fast

 **Alexander Hamilton (You):** did you miss john breaking into a federal building

literally anything i do will pale in comparison to that

i'm so mad

 **Sir-Burr:** i regret the day i met all of you

 **Alexander Hamilton (You):** that's not what you said in college ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Sir-Burr:** WOW OKAY

BACK TO YOUR ILLEGAL ACTIVITIES

 **Alexander Hamilton (You):** no no no

dont deny the gay

embrace it

 **Sir-Burr:** this is not RENT

ANYWAYS alex what the fuck

 **Alexander Hamilton (You):** it's a little personal ok

 **Sir-Burr:** is it about your mom

 **Alexander Hamilton (You):** NO

Maybe

Okay yes

 **Sir-Burr:** could u please let it go

 **Alexander Hamilton (You):** she's my MOM

I'm telling u she was murdered

 **Sir-Burr:** AND I'M SAYING SHE WASN'T

Literally EVERYONE is telling u she wasn't

 **Alexander Hamilton (You):** burr

i love you almost as much as eliza

but seriously

dont get in the way

if you can't trust me then i dont need you

 **Sir-Burr:** ALEX

ALEX LISTEN TO ME

 _You have deleted this conversation_

* * *

 **Madison:** I don't think he suspects anything.

 **Thomas Jefferson (You):** madison my guy

there is a building named after me

i am never getting over this

a FUCKIN BUILDING

oh FUCK YEAH

 **Madison:** Det. Jefferson, please focus.

 **Thomas Jefferson (You):** right right

what we gotta do

have you found maria reynolds yet?

 **Madison:** I have located James Reynolds. It is almost summer, and I am confident history will repeat itself.

 **Thomas Jefferson (You):** FUCK YEAH

what you said

also john laurens may become a problem

 **Madison:** He is to be dealt with accordingly.

* * *

 _a/n: as always, this only updated fridays or saturdays. if you want to read them quicker, but with a more irregular schedule, i recommend following the AO3 version, which updates whenever i remember to._


	6. trepidation at a parent-less existence

_A/N: it's not saturday but i don't think anyone actually cares! anyways enjoy this Sin, i have a ten day break so expect way more coming very soon! also, we're about halfway through the plot, and it should start speeding up pretty fast!_

* * *

 **Jefferson, Thomas:** oooooh this is even better than i thought it would be

Maria reynolds, THE Maria reynolds, works with hamilton's wife!

This is going to be sooooo good

 **James Madison (You):** Would you like to switch targets?

 **Jefferson, Thomas:** OH HELL NO

Hamilton's mine, bitch.

 **James Madison (You):** Of course.

Washington believes I'm sick, you?

 **Jefferson, Thomas:** only benefit of working with hamilton

easier to stalk the guy

i'm just watching the caemras

he does nothing interesting they're just yelling at each other while opening up a guy's chest cavity

gross, by the way

 **James Madison (You):** Yes, well, Maria Reynolds is leaving her place of residence.

* * *

 _ **CORPSE CREW**_

 **John Laurens (You):** GUYS I JOINED A RESEARCH TEAM

 **hambone:** what the hell

 **assflab:** what kind of research team?

 **herc:** i'm with alex

what the hell

 **John Laurens (You):** shut up

 **herc:** alex is here

that's not happening

 **John Laurens (You):** do none of u guys care about the EXTREME coincidences surrounding people a few hundred years ago WITH OUR EXACT NAMES

WHO LOOK LIKE US

AND HAVE CHILDREN AND RELATIVES WITH SIMILAR NAMES TO CORPSES WHO LOOK LIKE US

 **hambone:** HEY i can shut up

And what's the problem with talking a lot anyways i have A Lot to say

 **assflab:** wait but wouldn't the corpses look like our white counterparts?

 **John Laurens (You):** AH but here's the thing

REIGN CARNATIONS

wait

fuck

*reincarnation

 **herc:** haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 **John Laurens (You):** Shut up

ok so i joined a research team of people who care about us history and it turns out that the documents i stole are biographies! Anyways i took anything with what looks like our names on it so i hope we have enough information

 **baguette:** you stole what now

 **herc:** i knew there was a reason you were nick cage in my phone

 **John Laurens (You):** ok cryptic advice time

ALEX: no affairs.

with anyone!

It will be a problem

Say no to it

BURR: no shooting people. Also DO have an affair u wont regret it.

 **assflab:** about that affair thing…

 **herc:** oh no way

 **John Laurens (You):** LAFAYETTE: no aiding another country in a revolution because life in jail is awful

Wait

Burr

What the fuck

 **hambone:** eliza and i have an open marriage…

and he's not BAD looking

 **baguette:** WAIT WHAT

 **herc:** actually now that i think about it it would work

 **baguette:** did it start of as hate-sex? Was it fun hatesex? Is burr actually good in bed?

 **assflab:** lafayette no

And yes, alexander and i have…. a personal relationship as well

 **hambone:** we fuck every sunday

It's super punctual i think he has unaddressed issues with catholicism

 **herc:** wasn't your grandfather a preacher

 **assflab:** can we not talk about my sex habits and their relation to religion

yes it started as hate-sex, no i don't have daddy issues, and my relationship with religion is fine

 **herc:** ur an atheist

 **hambone:** grandfather issues in this case

 **assflab:** please shut up. all of you.

 **John Laurens (You):** ok i'm gonna ignore all those revelations from close friends

because a) what the fuck and b) holy shit

anyways there's two other guys named samuel seabury and charles lee

they've been helping me

 **hambone:** lmaoooooo i know lee

he's a little bitch

 **herc:** didn't you fight seabury

 **hambone:** oh yeaaaaah

lmao

your research buddies are weak ass nerds

 **John Laurens (You):** do you want to figure this shit out or no

* * *

 **Alexander Hamilton (You):** ok first things first

what do you know about my mother?

 **turtleman:** i'm sorry man

she got sick and you survived but not her

No foul play involved

 **Alexander Hamilton (You):** so history doesn't always repeat itself?

 **turtleman:** i know you hate it but? Maybe she wasn't actually murdered?

 **Alexander Hamilton (You):** laurens, i like you a lot

But you're not right

 **turtleman:** Hurricane Katrina was chaotic

it's completely possible that she died in the middle

 **Alexander Hamilton (You):** you don't need to tell me that

i was there

and i'm telling you

she was murdered

like you said it was chaotic. it was the perfect cover and her death wasn't an accident.

 _You have deleted this conversation_


	7. times are shitty, they can't get worse

_a/n: super short update, but the plot just advanced several bullet points. also, i typed out my plot thing really weirdly? so we're either a lot closer or a lot farther away from the end than i originally thought. wish i could tell u which one._

* * *

 **ANGELica:** so, you're sure you can't come?

 **Alexander Hamilton (You):** i'm so, so sorry

but no.

i can't

 **ANGELica:** alex, i've come all the way from london

 **Alexander Hamilton (You):** and i respect that! i do! but something at work has come up

and i really can't go

but eliza and the kids are going so there's that?

 **ANGELica:** fine

eliza still has a plus one, though

i think she's taking a coworker, who will probably be a much better conversationalist than you

 **Alexander Hamilton (You):** not falling for it

i'm not falling for it

who's the coworker?

 **ANGELica:** you'd know if you CAME with us.

* * *

 **Samuel Seabury:** Mr. Laurens, do you believe in destiny?

 **John Laurens (You):** i mean… i guess? there are a few things i can think of

maybe not destiny i guess?

kind of like…

i was given this life for a reason, but i chose what to do with it?

idk that's a p loaded question

 **Charles Lee:** How utterly incoherent

 **John Laurens (You):** stfu lee, go suck a cock

 **Samuel Seabury:** Gentlemen, please don't fight.

I was referring to the way our lives seem to mirror that of our historical counterparts in so many ways

 **John Laurens (You):** yeah but there's differences, u know?

i'm a coroner, not a war hero.

i think… i think i'm not quite the same person as the original john laurens. i grew up different. i'm close. but i'm not the same.

 **Charles Lee:** I believe we were born with the same basic traits, but chose what to do with them in different ways

 **John Laurens (You):** stfu lee, that was literally EXACTLY what i jsut said

* * *

 **Jefferson, Thomas:** okay okay HAMILTON STOLE MY FUCKIN REPORT

that fuckin skank

 **James Madison (You):** That's what you wanted him to do, Det. Jefferson.

 **Jefferson, Thomas:** right, STILL

FUCK HIM

anyways any luck with Maria?

 **James Madison (You):** She's texting someone, and smiling.

Oh, she's getting up to leave.

I don't think she's texting Mr. Reynolds, but I could be wrong. She seems happy to be talking to them, however, and she has no reason to fake anything in public.

 **Jefferson, Thomas:** doesn't matter

history repeats itself, remember?

* * *

 **Maria Reynolds:** is your husband REALLY okay with this?

cause like i'm not gonna judge if you're cheating on him

i'm cheating on mine

he's an asshole tho

 **Elizabeth Schuyler (You):** chill out

we have an open marriage, it's fine

 **Maria Reynolds:** seriously?

that's amazing

 **Elizabeth Schuyler (You):** honestly it's the best idea we've ever had

i'd love to introduce you two sometime

 **Maria Reynolds:** is he going upstate with us?

 **Elizabeth Schuyler (You):** sadly, no

he's a stubborn asshole, and has "work" to do

instead ur gonna meet my sisters and that's like seven times better

probably eight

* * *

 _a/n: fuck yeah, surprise lesbians!_

 _anyways, expect a new update within three weeks!_


	8. i'm not yours to subdue

_A/N: Final stages of the plot! also, do you know how hard it is to write action/climax scenes through texting format_

* * *

 **CORPSE CREW**

 **Hunkulese:** u know what's so weird to me?

 **Lafayette (You):**?

 **Hunkluese:** tjeff's name is thomas

like? i always knew this?

but at the same time i've only ever called him tjeffs

or jefferson, in a voice of utmost disgust.

 **Buttmunch:** just disgust?

 **Hamilson:** is that AN OPINION I HEAR

OUT OF BURR'S MOUTH?

nooooo

no way

 **Buttmunch:** holy shit alex pls chill

 **Lafayette (You):** damn going for your boyfriend alex?

that's cold

 **Buttmunch:** WOULD YOU PLEASE LET THAT GO

 **Hunkulese:** dude how tf did we not know about you two?

we will never let this go

YOU GUYS HATED EACH OTHER

 **Hamilson:** rivals to friends to lovers?

 **Buttmunch:** please never describe us as lovers ever again

 **Hamilson:** will do.

 **Lafayette (You):** what happened to "he's not my type?"

also what happened to burr's opinionless state?

 **Hunkulese:** i asked him if he liked pickles on hamburgers once

he said "no comment"

 **Buttmunch:** go back to work

* * *

 **Thomas Jefferson (You):** dude dude dude

do you believe in destiny

 **Madison:** I suppose it would be ridiculous to not believe in it. I am a reincarnation of a founding father, after all.

 **Thomas Jefferson (You):** i gotta beat those little shits

it's my destiny

the thomas jefferson before me did it

so i gotta do it too

 **Madison:** That's why you're so obsessed with Hamilton?

 **Thomas Jefferson (You):** I AM NOT OBSESSED

but yes

we were all reincarnated together for a reason

 **Madison:** I find that there are very rarely reasons for how the universe works.

 **Thomas Jefferson (You):** Deep

wrong

but deep

* * *

 **turtleman:** dude, u need to LEt Go

 **Alexander Hamilton (You):** NO

 **turtleman:** look all i'm saying is the reports could be faked

oh shit

ur not trying to find an emoji, are you

 **Alexander Hamilton (You):** and all i'm saying is that they aren't, because Jefferson was going to turn it in, and you doubting me is making me start to doubt this friendship. just because there's no historical precedent doesn't mean it's not true. The real hamilton wasn't a coroner, he was a politician. The real hamilton wasn't polyamorous, or from new orleans, or anything at all like me. we're different people, with different lives.

 **turtleman:** fine

i respect that

 **Alexander Hamilton (You):** now are u gonna help me find James Reynolds or not?

* * *

 **Maria Reynolds 3:** um is ur husband short and angry and named Alexander Hamilton?

 **Eliza Schuyler-Hamilton (You):** … yes

what is he doing now

is it stupid

please save him he's an idiot

 **Maria Reynolds 3:** he's yelling at james?

something about a guy named "peter lytton"?

 **Eliza Schuyler-Hamilton (You):** i think that's his cousin

who both shot and stabbed himself in the chest

about ten years ago

alex what the fuck?

 **Maria Reynolds 3:** he's accusing james of killing him?

shit

i hope he doesn't see me

james was really angry about the "going upstate" thing

 **Eliza Schuyler-Hamilton (You):** WHAT

MARIA

 **Maria Reynolds 3:** please please please don't tell

it's okay

 **Eliza Schuyler-Hamilton (You):** welp alex texted me

he saw you already

* * *

 **husbando:** hey eliza we're having a guest over for dinner

 **Eliza Schuyler-Hamilton (You):** is it maria? she's great. punch her husband for me.

* * *

 **Jefferson, Thomas:** OHH OHH HOHHO

is leaving the residence with ONE MISS MARIA REYNOLDS

reynolds pamphlet FUCK YEAH

ok ok shadowing them now

damn how long does it take to get to his apartment

 **James Madison (You):** Might i suggest getting your camera out?

 **Jefferson, Thomas:** you might

ok ok fiiinally

wait

that's not how it's supposed to go.

 **James Madison (You):** Thomas, you must remember that I'm not actually there.

 **Jefferson, Thomas:** SHE JUST KISSED HIS WIFE

that was out of left field?

WHAT

HAMILTON IS JUST STADNIGN THERE YOUR WIFE IS CHEATING ON YOU

I FRONY OF YIO

what

* * *

 _A/N: well, you guys WANTED a reaction. one final chapter and then an epilogue up next._


	9. what is a legacy?

_A/N: guess who's computer literally EXPLODED like damn if you didn't want to work just saY SO? anyways this was written on a school computer so. yeah._

* * *

 **Jefferson, Thomas:** ok ok we can work around this, right?

destiny trumps all man

come on

i gotta win

i always win

thats how history goes

i can't

i didn't do all this just to los eNOW

to a fuckin whore

NO

 **James Madison (You):** Calm down sir.

 **Jefferson, Thomas:** BITCH NO

the fuck u talking abotu "calm down" like we don't have plans falling apatr

 **James Madison (You):** Like you said, we can work around this.

Hamilton still believes that Reynolds was involved in his mother and cousin's deaths.

lmao i can't keep doing this

 **Jefferson, Thomas:** what?

mads?

madison?

 _James Madison added 212-246-0155 to the conversation_

 **212-246-0155:** morning, gents

it's laffayete

also, that's not madison, that's mulligan

 **James Madison (You):** lmao yup

ms. reynolds is on her way home.

and YOU are on ur way to jaiiiiil

FUCK YEAH

 **Jefferson, Thomas:** what?

 **James Madison (You):** wait give me a second

 _You have changed Jefferson, Thomas's name to Dickhead_

ok so guess what you aint the only one with an ALLIANCE

except ours isn't evil

 **212-246-0155:** no offense, madison

 **James Madison (You):** none taken

anyways let's review

you took a false police report

submitted it and created an open case

and that's, my friend, is grounds for obstruction of justice!

hamilton and burr used to be lawyers, you know.

 **Dickhead:** WHAT

* * *

 **turtleman:** you know, i think i finally understand why this whole reincarnation business was covered up.

 **Alexander Hamilton (You):**?

 **turtleman:** jefferson didn't have any reason to oppose you this time around, did he? you guys barely knew each other.

i guess reincarnated lives are kind of like a do-over, then?

 **Alexander Hamilton (You):** so why cover it up? i want to be able to know if i'm about to screw up

 **turtleman:** well, that's the idea?

you're still your own person

you're not quite the historical alexander hamilton

maybe?

maybe that's why jefferson did everyhting?

he went a long way for this

faked your mother's murder, connected your cousin's suicide to reynolds?

but he didn't even know you

he didn't think that you'd go to friends for help

because the hamilton he thinks he knows isn't you

he's holding a grudge on a person who doesn't exist anymore.

hell, that's not even really his grudge

alex?

are you there?

 **Alexander Hamilton (You):** yeah

still here

i think you're probably right.

* * *

 **CORPSE CREW**

 **herc:** isn't it weird how everyone here turned out to be a reincarnation?

 **baguette:** isn't it weird how everyone here turned out to be gay?

 **herc:** touche.

* * *

 **THE SCHUYLER SISTERS**

 **Tequila:** i can't believe my sister has a personal harem in her house and didn't tell us all about it

 **ANGELica:** You adn me both, man

*And

 **Eliza Hamilton-Schuyler (You):** GUYS

maria is staying with us due to legal complications and her trial

she's emotionally exhausted.

and we're good people

who are giving her a place to stay

 **ANGELica:** AND you have all of your friends over

 **Tequila:** why does all the interesting drama happen when we're upstate?

 **ANGELica:** why is our sister so bad and keeping us updated

 **Eliza Hamilton-Schuyler (You):** GUYS

* * *

 **THE HOUSE OF CARDS**

 **Eliza Hamilton-Schuyler (You):** alex please get the milk we're running out

 **husbando:** AT WORK

CAN'T TALK

OR TEXT

OR DO ANYTHING

hello this is burr, alex is currently occupied with the scalpels

 **Eliza Hamilton-Schuyler (You):** oh, great

he needs to get like three jugs of milk cause we're running out

also probably some more bread

 **husbando:** alright i'm back and livers are disgusting

i'm on it

 **Maria Reynolds 3:** my trial is tomorrow

 **Eliza Hamilton-Schuyler (You):** add hostess twinkies to the list

 **husbando:** waaaay ahead of you

* * *

 _A/N: one final chapter, the epilogue, and then i'm doneeeee. posting that tomorrow._


	10. Epilogue

_A/N: Special thanks to WhatAboutYesterday, Adi_Bug, and flakey-cakey-gayaboo for commenting and staying with me the entire way. Your support really helped me finish this!_

* * *

Someone asked Maria Reynolds, long after it was all over, if she thought she was a bad wife. They probably meant in regards to her ex-husband, whom she never saw again. He still has nine years of his ten year sentence to serve, the asshole.

But Maria didn't think of him. She thought of a different woman, with bright eyes and a charming smile, with a sharp wit and a mind for planning. She thought of Eliza Hamilton-Schuyler, and said "yes."

* * *

 _"History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again."_

* * *

Jefferson and Madison faced thirty-five years in jail, for obstructing justice and planning first degree murder. They are rarely visited, mostly by a Mr. Aaron Burr, who could have been like them, lifetimes ago.

* * *

 _Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it."_

* * *

Our heroes still work in their precinct, IDing bodies and solving crimes. Now, they understand more about the world around them. Now, they don't flinch when they see their features stare up at them from the operating table.

They carry on, as best as they can. Their lives have changed, and only time will tell if for the better.

* * *

 _"We would like to live as we once lived, but history will not permit it."_

* * *

The Hamilton-Schuyler-and-Others household is a flurry of motion in the mornings.

"Eliza, dear, have you seen my lesson plans?"

"ALEX! Where is your phone, it keeps buzzing and I can't find it!"

"Maria, watch the coffee!"

As always.

"Your lessons plans are on the counter, near the sink."

"My phone's in your purse, Eliza. The one on your shoulder!"

"How old is this coffee, exactly?"

"Hey, who's the one on the couch? They're asleep."

"If they're still sleeping, it's Laurens. He's the only one who can ignore this mess."

"Don't wake him up! I think he has a hangover."

"Ugh, too late."

"Eliza!"

"COMING!"

All is right.

* * *

 _A/N: And that brings me to the end of this story. It was a wild ride, from beginning to finish! This story is completed, and I'm pretty satisfied with the ending, so I'm probably not going to edit/add more bits and pieces to it. But hey, I'm definitely not done with this fandom! Writing this was a great experience, and I absolutely love the subject matter. There is definitely more Hamilton fanfiction in my future._


End file.
